Hazing Has No Place in Fraternity and Sorority Life

Hazing has absolutely, positively no place in fraternity and sorority life. It is antithetical to everything brotherhood and sisterhood has to offer and any member who takes part in hazing needs to be dismissed from their respective GLO.

One of the most difficult things about being a proponent of fraternity and sorority life is the elephant in the room. No matter how committed the inter/national organization is, or the number of mentors, the amount of resources, and the institutional support services available, hazing can still rear its ugly head. No one who joins an organization that has at its core all the good things the founders envisioned should have to endure anything that might be construed as hazing.

Membership should not have to be “earned.” Membership is a gift and should be treated as such. Gifts connote love, respect, a willingness to be part of a relationship, and the sharing of one’s time, treasure and talents. 

My heart breaks for those parents who have lost children to hazing. In 1974, Eileen Steven’s son Chuck Stenzel was hazed as a member of Klan Alpine, a local fraternity at Alfred University in upstate New York. His death spurred his mother to found C.H.U.C.K. (Committee to Halt Useless College Killings). At the time of her son’s death, hazing was illegal in only three states. Stevens led the charge to make hazing illegal in the United States. Over the following decades, she spoke at countless fraternity and sorority conventions and leadership events. 

Stenzel’s death was the impetus for Hank Nuwer writing Broken Pledges. Nuwer’s list of hazing deaths should be read by every current member of a fraternity. Moreover, for every hazing death, there is a chapter that closes, there are members who are dismissed from the fraternity, and there is a long road of legal issues, lawyer fees, sentencing, and punishment for those who took part in the hazing. When presented with those realities, why would anyone even consider hazing as an activity?

More recently, the families of Tim Piazza and Max Gruver have walked the same road as Eileen Stevens. Max Gruver was a Phi Delta Theta pledge at Louisiana State University. Tim Piazza was a pledge of the Beta Theta Pi chapter at Penn State University. Alcohol in massive amounts played a role in both deaths.

The two mothers spoke at Sigma Phi Epsilon’s Ruck Leadership Institute. I would hope that the writing of a note to a mother who lost her son due to hazing would give pause to any fraternity man who might contemplate planning or joining in a “bonding” activity involving alcohol. 

On August 1, 2018, the Max Gruver Act became a part of Louisiana’s anti-hazing laws. I am certain nothing can ease the pain the Gruvers are enduring, but knowing that they can help prevent other parents from walking their road must give them a bit of solace.

The Gruvers spoke at the Phi Kappa Psi Grand Arch Council last month. Effective this fall, Phi Psi’s new member period will be reduced to 10 days and the “New Member Education Program will morph into new member integration and a renewed focus on continuing member education,” according to the fraternity’s web-site.

Max’s Mom is a member of Alpha Delta Pi and this article appeared in The Adelphean

Hazing has no place in any Greek-Letter Organization. It needs to stop. I implore current GLO chapter members to ensure that no new names are entered on Hank Nuwer’s list of hazing deaths. 

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#IAmASororityWoman and #myFraternity

The excitement of fraternity and sorority recruitment is in the air. Today is August 1 and it signals the start of Delta Gamma’s #IAmASororityWoman campaign. I love sharing the stories of all Greek-letter organizations connecting the past to the present and the future. There are more than 1,200 posts on this blog and the search bar can help readers know more about their own and other GLOs.

Yes, I am confident we all love our organization the most, and yet, we are all family. The more success our organizations have, the better for all of us. And when one of the chapters fails and falls short of living up to their values, we all suffer. The world at large does not know the difference in our letters. We are all painted by the same brush when things go awry. It is incumbent upon all of us to make sure that we live up to the ideals we espouse and recite with conviction.

Kudos to Delta Gamma for their #IAmASororityWoman

The North-American Interfraternity Conference  is debuting a “#myFraternity” campaign on September 12.

Phi Delta Theta’s new video (link below) is well done, without the braggadocio that can sneak into these kinds of things. The point is made that “You get out of it what you put into it.” Yes, that is true, but I would add that the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. “Join the right fraternity for the right reasons,” is another wonderful point made in the video.

The core of any of the fraternities and sororities is friendship – a brotherhood or sisterhood – with the promise that one can be connected to the organization throughout their lifetime. Hearing alums say, “I am a…” rather than “I was a…” is an indicator of a great experience as a collegian. Staying involved past graduation, mentoring young members, helping plan for the future of the organization and supporting it financially with donations are a way of paying forward what one receives as a collegian.

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An AEPhi Tribute, a ZBT Treasure, and a Pi Phi Story

I was looking at the Alpha Epsilon Phi website and came across this wonderful tribute to Margery Rosen Mendelson, a 1938 initiate of the AEPhi chapter at the University of Missouri. She became a member because of the “wonderful stories she heard from Alpha Beta collegians and alumnae.  She lived in the house all four years and remembers the closeness and loving friendships of her sisters.” After graduation, she married and moved to Texas. There, she was asked to be an advisor for the chapter in Austin. That experience led her to being and involved alumna for her entire life. She held many positions, including as a member of AEPhi’s National Council, I sense she was the person collegians flocked to at conventions. She died in 2017 at the age of 96. Her sentiments can be applied to the experiences found in any sorority – the universality that the more you give of yourself to your organization, the more that will be returned to you. May she rest in peace and may her memory be treasured by her sorority sisters.

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About four years ago, the The Andrew McDonough B+ Foundation attended the Zeta Beta Tau Fraternity Convention in Washington D.C. This video about the ZBT chapter at New York University was shown. It’s a wonderful story about the chapter and a young boy named Christian. This should have gone viral, but only the awful videos seem to do that.

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I will confess I did not read this article when I flipped through my issue of The Arrow. It was brought to my attention on social media. Emily Hsieh, a graduate of the Pi Beta Phi Elementary School in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, is a member of the Pi Beta Phi chapter at Emory University. How fun is that! She suspect she a student at the school when Pi Beta Phi celebrated its Centennial of Literacy in Gatlinburg in 2012. I’d love to include a picture of Emily Hsieh and the statue of Miss Dell, so I hope she will send me one.

From the Summer 2018 issue of The Arrow of Pi Beta Phi

Hsieh’s story reminded me of the story of the first Pi Phi who was a graduate of the Pi Beta Phi Settlement School. Her name was Mattie Huff (Clabo) and she was a 1931 initiate of the Iowa State chapter of Pi Beta Phi. 

 

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The Unveiling of a Sculpture Begins P.E.O.’s 150th Celebration

Last Friday, I was to have been in Des Moines, Iowa. I had been invited to the unveiling of a sculpture on the lawn of the P.E.O. Executive Office at 3700 Grand Avenue. When the invitation arrived, I began making plans for a trip to Iowa with the husband and dogs. From Des Moines we would head to Kansas for a quick visit with our daughter and her husband (and my favorite granddog). Alas, plans changed and I had to be somewhere else taking care of someone I love dearly. I was where I needed to be.

I missed seeing friends who were gathered there, especially Kylie Smith, a Kappa Kappa Gamma who is the Ohio State Chapter President. She has my cell number and sent me a number of texts which made my day. Coincidentally, Sue Baker, President of the International Chapter of P.E.O., is also a Kappa Kappa Gamma.

Encircle is the name of the work by Tom Stancliffe. According to the plaque near the sculpture: 

This abstract piece was designed with elements that represent our Sisterhood – encompassing the past, present and future of our mission. Eight open concentric circles are nested together to create one unified structure and are etched with the words Faith, Love, Purity, Justice and Truth – the P.E.O. virtues. Seven of the rings were designed to represent each one of our seven Founders, the eighth blue ring symbolizes each individual P.E.O. and her importance to and impact on the Sisterhood. The circular pieces are intentional unclosed to indicate P.E.O.’s openness to the future as we pursue our mission of education women all over the world.

The unveiling of the sculpture last Friday.

Founders Walk

Daisy bench

Encircle

Kylie Towers Smith, Ohio State Chapter President, Kappa Kappa Gamma alumna, and a proud graduate of Simpson College, which just down the road a piece in Indianola, Iowa. (Photos courtesy of Ohio State Chapter of P.E.O.)

The clock is ticking on pre-orders of We Who Are Sisters, the book commemorating 150 years of P.E.O. There is a 20% discount for books ordered by July 31. Quantities of the book are limited and now is the time to order.

I wrote the section on “The Builders.” They are the women who did the heavy lifting in the creation of the organization, but who rarely get any credit for their efforts. Most P.E.O.s do not know their names.

Read more about the connection of Kappa Kappa Gamma and P.E.O.

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A Generous Sigma Chi CEO and a Restaurant Recommendation

Walter Carr was excited to be starting a new job with Bellhops, a moving company in Alabama. When his car broke down the day before he was to report for his first day, he made the decision to walk the 20 miles between home and the job site. He left home around midnight and at 4 a.m., he was stopped by police. When he told them his story, they took him to Whataburger and bought him breakfast and a lunch to take with him. When he finally made it to the job site via another ride in a patrol car, and the story was told to the homeowners, they couldn’t believe that he had walked most of the way. Homeowner Jenny Hayden Lamey wrote a facebook post about it and it went viral. When the CEO of Bellhops, Luke Marklin, heard the story he drove to Alabama from Tennessee and gave his car to Carr. Marklin is an alumnus of the Purdue University chapter of Sigma Chi. He graduated in 2007 with a civil engineering degree and in 2012, he graduated from the Harvard Business School.

Marklin (r) presents the car key to Carr (l).

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Kristen Carmin Shelley is the daughter of a dear Pi Phi friend, my assigned roommate at the first Pi Phi convention I attended in 1987. Kristen is an alumna of the Pi Beta Phi chapter at Indiana University. After a number of years in Baton Rouge, she and her husband have returned to Bloomington as owners of the Trojan Horse. I ate there a few months ago and I highly recommend it!

40-Year-Old Trojan Horse Has New Thirty-ish Owners

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Apollo 11, Fraternity Pins on the Moon, and Sally Ride

It’s the anniversary of man walking on the moon. It’s an apt day to once again bust some myths still flying around social media land.

CLAIM: “Every Apollo 11 astronaut was a fraternity man.”

FALSE. There were three men aboard Apollo 11, Neil A. Armstrong, Michael Collins, and Edwin Eugene “Buzz” Aldrin, Jr.; Collins and Aldrin went to West Point where there are no social fraternities. Aldrin was elected to Tau Beta Pi, an engineering honor society. Armstrong was a fraternity man having been initiated into the Phi Delta Theta chapter at Purdue University.

 

CLAIM: “At least one fraternity badge has been to the moon.”

TRUE. The first fraternity badge which made its way to the moon was the one belonging to Neil Armstrong, an initiate of the Phi Delta Theta chapter at Purdue University. He was the first man to walk on the moon. Upon his return to Earth, he presented the badge to Phi Delta Theta and it is on display at the fraternity’s headquarters in Oxford. However, contrary to rumor, he never pinned it on the American flag on the moon, nor did he pin his wife’s Alpha Chi Omega badge to the American flag.

Kappa Sigma Edgar Mitchell, an initiate of the Carnegie Mellon University chapter wore his badge to the moon during Apollo 14. The Kappa Sigma badge resides at Kappa Sigma’s Museum in Charlottesville, Virginia.

Gene Cernan, an initiate of the Phi Gamma Delta at Purdue University, had his badge with him on a 1966 space walk and then again as a member of the Apollo 10 mission.

Gene Cernan’s Phi Gamma Delta badge.

Phi Delta Theta’s documentation about Neil Armstrong’s badge.

 

CLAIM: “The first American woman in space was a sorority woman.”

FALSE. Sally Ride was not a sorority woman, but there have been many other female astronauts who are sorority women. 

This book about astronauts, had these two female astronauts on the same page. One is a sorority woman and the other is not, The sorority woman is Judith Resnick, Alphe Epsilon Phi, and not Sally Ride.

This book about astronauts, had these two female astronauts on the same page. One is a sorority woman and the other is not, The sorority woman is Judith Resnick, Alpha Epsilon Phi, and not Sally Ride.

 

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The Can Lady Doing Good and the Loss of a Dear Friend

For those who have never watched an episode of Returning the Favor, Mike Rowe’s facebook show, you are missing out. It is delightful and uplifting. A recent episode on the Can Lady featured Mary Stumpp, an alumna of the Delta Gamma chapter at DePauw University. The Can Lady is doing good!

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On Tuesday morning, I awoke to an email that my Pi Phi friend MaryMargaret McDonough had passed away on Monday. I was in shock and heartbroken. I cannot remember when we first met, but it would have been at an Officer Workshop or at a Pi Phi Convention. All I can remember is that we would laugh. She told the best stories and as a native Long Islander, I was on the same wavelength as she was. She hailed from New Jersey and joined the Pi Beta Phi chapter at the University of Maryland. She was a Terp through and through.

I remember celebrating the centennial of my chapter with her and Julie Geiger (Shannon) Mercer in 1996 in Syracuse, MaryMargaret was our driver and we three shared a room. We laughed the entire time. Over the years, whenever MaryMargaret and I were at the same events, there was always laughter. While I can’t remember the conversations, I cherish the laughter.

In early 2000, when my family was in Connecticut visiting relatives, I took the train to NYC and toured the Beekman Tower Hotel, visited the Baird Collection at the New York Public Library (before it was on the internet), and I met MaryMargaret for lunch near her office which overlooked Gramercy Park.

Years later, when my daughter and I did one of our treks to Broadway, we met MaryMargaret for an early dinner, between the matinée and the evening performance. She was the first of my Pi Phi friends to meet my daughter. I remember we met at the Applebees in Times Square. Needless to say, there was a great deal of laughter that evening.

Last year, when Pi Beta Phi celebrated its 150th, MaryMargaret came to the convention and we had a chance to visit again. I can’t remember if we ate a meal together, but we knew that we would be on the bus to the post-convention tour to Monmouth and that we would have lots of time together then. We had the chance to catch up with each other and we laughed and laughed. Laughter is how we both made it through the rough spots in our lives. I had stashed my luggage in her room before we headed to Monmouth and when I gave her a hug as I left her room with my suitcases, I had no clue it would be the last time I would see her on this earth. I would have hugged her longer and I would have let her know once more what her friendship has meant to me over the years.

Rest in peace dear friend, until our paths cross again.

 

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In 1893, GLO Members Were Gathering at the Columbian Exposition

When Pi Beta Phi, Kappa Alpha Theta, Kappa Kappa Gamma, Delta Gamma, Alpha Phi, Gamma Phi Beta, and Delta Delta Delta met in Boston in 1891, one of the items on the agenda was the upcoming 1893 Columbian Exposition in Chicago. The women wanted to have a formal gathering space and perhaps a meeting.

A “Congress of Fraternities” during the Fair was not only discussed when the seven women’s fraternities met in Boston, but the idea was also mentioned in both men’s and women’s fraternity magazines. During the 1890s, fraternity magazine exchanges were the primary manner in which information was shared between the organizations.

According to The History of the Phi Delta Theta Fraternity: 

The prospectus of the liberal arts department of the fair, issued in 1891, said that a provision would be made for a fraternity display. Dr. S.H. Peabody, who was head of this department, having formerly been Regent of the University of Illinois, expressed an earnest desire to have a full exhibit by the fraternities.

In early January, 1892, representatives from 23 fraternities met in Chicago to discuss the proposed congress and exhibit. They recommended that all Greek-letter societies make exhibits to display at the Fair.

A subsequent meeting took place on July 7, 1892. The group adopted a constitution, elected officers, appointed committees and applied for space in an exhibit hall. Another meeting does not seem to have taken place until April 1, 1893. At that time, six men’s fraternities were represented and a decision was made that the exhibit was not feasible. The authorities were too late in allotting exhibit space and asked for $2,500 for expenses. According to the Phi Delta Theta’s report, it was “impossible to raise $2,500 for such purpose, and therefore the whole plan for an exhibit was abandoned and the allotted space surrendered.”

Although things did not go according to the original plan, the Congress met starting on July 19, 1893 in the Memorial Art Institute, at the foot of Adams Street. About 300 fraternity members attended the morning session. Among the papers read were several by Phi Delta Theta members. These included talks on the histories of fraternities, fraternity catalogs and fraternity finances. In the afternoon, there was a meeting of fraternity magazine editors. J.E. Brown, Editor of Phi Delta Theta’s Scroll, read a paper on “The ethics of loyalty in relation to fraternity journalism.” Phi Delta Theta’s reporter noted that more Phi Delts took part in the morning and afternoon sessions than any other fraternity.

At 5 p.m., the women’s fraternities gave a reception at the New York State Building. The building was crowded with fraternity men and women proudly wearing their badges. The Scroll reported:

The chief competition in yells and songs was between Phi Delta Theta, Delta Kappa Epsilon, and Beta Theta Pi, who had more men present than any of the other fraternities. ‘Phi Delta Theta All Revere’, ‘Hail Phi Delta Theta’ and ‘Phi Delta Theta for Aye’ were lustily sung by the more than 50 Phis present. Brother Swope led in singing and yelling: we doubt if he is over his consequent hoarseness, yet. The various fraternity clans got together and marched around in lock-step lines, and such strains as ‘Phi-Phi-Phi-Kei-A’ and “Dee-Dee, Dee-Kay-E!’ marked the accompaniment. Finally a Pan-Hellenic circle was formed and the joint singing was begun by Brother Swope starting, ‘There’s a hole at the bottom of the sea,’ the famous song of our Bloomington convention. After the college songs, the crowd went to the music pavilion on the lakefront, where the band played college airs.”

New York State Building at the 1893 Columbian Exposition. On July 19, 1893, a banquet was served at 7:30 p.m. in the building and dancing followed. A Panhellenic reception took place in this building on the next evening.

The morning session of July 20 was devoted to women’s fraternities. Ellen Martin Henrotin welcomed the crowd to the room at the Art Institute. Although it does not appear she was a fraternity woman, she was very active in the women’s club movement. There were addresses by representatives from Kappa Kappa Gamma, Gamma Phi Beta, Delta Gamma, Delta Delta Delta, Alpha Phi, and Pi Beta Phi. Among the topics presented were the origin and development of the fraternity system, fraternity journalism, chapter houses, limitations in fraternity membership, fraternity extension, and fraternity women in the world. Gertrude Boughton Blackwelder, an 1875 graduate of the University of Kansas and a charter member of the Pi Beta Phi chapter there, read a paper on the “Ethical influences of fraternities.” It was later published in several fraternity magazines.

A social meeting of the women’s fraternity officers was held in the afternoon, and a Panhellenic reception was held in the New York State Building in the evening.

Several organizations held their conventions in Chicago that summer and others arranged for a hospitality room for their membership. Phi Delta Theta had a corner room on the third floor of a building at the southwest corner of Jackson and Franklin Streets, and 420 Phi Delts signed the guest book. Kappa Alpha Theta,  Delta Gamma, Gamma Phi Beta and Delta Delta Delta had a fraternity booth in the Organization room of the Women’s Building. The booth provided a resting place for fraternity women and a there was a guest book for members to sign.

It would be almost nine years before the women’s fraternities called another meeting. They would gather again in Chicago, at the request of Alpha Phi. And the third time was the charm! The National Panhellenic Conference would come into its own and begin the process of interfraternal cooperation among the women’s organizations.

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall at those early meetings!

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Making the Impossible the Inevitable

I’m not sure what day it is, and frankly, at some points in the day, I can’t recall the year, but being at the Pi Beta Phi Leadership Institute has been the highlight of my summer. Pi Phi’s convention is in the odd-numbered year and I have been green with envy viewing the social media of my GLO friends. And while this is not a convention, it is more than enough to fill my Pi Phi cup.

This is the second Pi Beta Phi Leadership Institute. Both have been held at Washington University in St. Louis, about 10 miles from Pi Phi’s HQ. This year, there are two sessions. The focus is not on learning about the fraternity, but more on helping the women learn the steps to making the impossible the inevitable as they chart the road to their futures.

The facilitator taking the tour of the rooms where they will work with their Halo Huddles (small groups). Past Grand President Mary Tatum is at left.

The incomparable Erin Fischer (right) is the guiding light and her energy and enthusiasm are contagious. She inspires the women.

How could I not resist taking a morning walk through this gate and the neighborhood?

A morning walk through campus and a look at some of the Washington University fraternity houses.

A shout out to the best Halo Huddle!

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The Best Fraternities and Sororities to Join?

I dislike those “the best sororities with the most gorgeous houses” or the “top ten fraternities to join if you want to be President of the United States” posts on the web. They are bogus, likely click-bait, and serve no purpose other than to drive traffic to a website. Yet, excitement is building as things gear up for another academic year on college campuses across the country. At some, that means that fraternity and sorority recruitment time is near. Best wishes to the young men and women making decisions as to which organization to join. My advice is to make your own decision, free from the internet hype and ranking.

pins

Students have been making that decision for centuries. The world was much different in 1922, when the following paragraphs were written. Only a handful of college students had access to an automobile, few had grown up having their own bedroom and even less had their own private bath. There were no portable phones, televisions, handheld electronic devices, and the things that today’s college students consider necessities. And yet, the sentiments expressed by George Banta* in the July, 1922 issue of Banta’s Greek Exchange ring as true today as they did nearly a century ago:

One of the questions most frequently asked of us is as to which is the best fraternity. This most naive question is most often propounded to us by non-fraternity folks who are debating the choice of a fraternity. Rushing season also brings us such inquiries and these latter often take the form of asking us to decide definitely between two different fraternities or sororities. It is no uncommon thing in the autumn for us to receive telegrams which have manifestly found their inspiration in the fierce rushing on the campus.

It is not merely a question of the impropriety of our undertaking to decide such questions. Any opinion that the editor might harbor would be only his personal opinion. We have long ago learned that choice of a fraternity is a state of mind. There are those to whom the question of size is important; another prefers limitations and exclusiveness; one prefers that which is ancient; another that which is new and plastic and gives opportunity for individual activity, and, it may be for a fight. So, there is with us a great deal bigger reason for not trying to make such distinctions than mere impropriety. It is simply impossible. We do not know which is the best, and we have long ago come to doubt whether there is any ‘best.’ We feel that we might as well undertake to decide between the relative value to the community of the two neighbors who live beside us, one to the north and one to the south. We ourselves prefer our own family simply because it is our own. And we find that each of our two neighbors prefers his family for exactly the same reason. And there you are.

banta sugnature

*George Banta was a Phi Delta Theta and a Delta Gamma. Yes, he was an initiated member of Delta Gamma and he brought Delta Gamma to the northern states. He was also a dedicated proponent of fraternity life. 

George Banta, Phi Delta Theta and Delta Gamma

© Fran Becque, www.fraternityhistory.com, 2018. All Rights Reserved. If  you enjoyed this post, please sign up for updates. Also follow me on twitter @GLOHistory and Pinterest www.pinterest.com/glohistory/

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